My Angel.

I’m sorry I haven’t been around to write for a while. A lot has changed this past month, and I’ve had other, more important things on my mind. And I think I’m now ready to share this with you.

On October 15th, 2011, our family received some shocking news that has ultimately changed our life. My beautiful nanny was diagnosed with a brain tumour, which was later discovered to be terminal, meaning we all knew that we would not have much time left to spend with her. 

I was devastated when my mother told me, because my nanny meant the world to me. She was the most incredible woman anyone could ever meet. She was independent, loving, kind, caring and fun to be with, and honestly the best grandparent I could have ever wished for. She did everything for my family, because we meant so much to her, as she did to us. 

Coping with a loved one having cancer is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do, because I was only 16 at the time and didn’t fully understand what would happen to her. I didn’t know how long we had left to spend with her, and neither did any doctor we saw, or any specialist we spoke to. No one knew, which terrified us, but also gave us relief if a way, as we wouldn’t be worrying so much on the future, but living each and every day as it came.

The past 11 months have been so special to our family. We cherish every precious moment we have shared with her, from going out to dinners with family and friends and going on days out shopping with her, to spending days in our pyjamas on the sofa watching Coronation Street (which was her absolute favourite). She had her ups and downs, because she had to go through chemotherapy twice, which made her very unwell and unable to do much. But even through all she’s had to put up with, she remained strong throughout, and never moaned once about anything. It still doesn’t feel real to me.

On September 25th 2012, and 9.25pm, we knew she couldn’t fight anymore. She was ready to give in to this battle, and was sent up to heaven. My beautiful nanny passed away. After a year of fighting off this dreadful illness, it was time for her to give up. She slipped away in her sleep, and I am so grateful that I was at her bedside with her.

Cancer is a terrible thing, and I don’t wish it upon anyone. No one should have to go through the pain, and fear of the unknown. My nanny wasn’t ready to go, she should be here with my family and I, sat in front of the television watching Emmerdale. She should be here getting excited for christmas and helping me plan my 18th birthday. She should be here about to celebrate my mothers 40th. She should be here. Not up there.

My nanny is an inspiration to me, and I am so proud of her for everything she did. She is the strongest woman out there, and an Idol to me. I look up to her. The last thing she told me was that she loved me, which puts me at ease every time I think about her. We were so very close, and I’m so thankful that we have shared many memories together. The last thing I told her was that I was going to make her proud, no matter what. And I will never break that promise. She is my guardian angel, and I know she’ll be with me forever more.

I love you Nanny, forever and always.